Hey Jerry Dyer! Be in our Rap Video!
by the GBF Writing Staff
Last week, the Fresno internet scene was taken by storm when local raptor KAY0 released what has since been referred to as the lamest music video ever made. What really got people's attention wasn't the dancing grandma but rather members of the Fresno Police Department including Chief Jerry Dyer.
We here at GBF are somewhat confused by FPD's decision to include themselves in this video as the song isn't that pro-law enforcement. It does have a line that says, "we even give [respect] to the cops," but that just seems to say that cops don't inherently deserve respect.
With that in mind, we have written a rap that is so pro-law enforcement that we believe it will be impossible for Jerry Dyer to decline being in our video.
Mr. Dyer, we've decided to break the rap and video down for you so you can see the exact scenes we want to use you in. We promise these scenes will be much more interesting than that weird dancing you were doing in KAY0's video. The rap opens with this line:
Your next scene will take place during this bit of rap:
Mr. Dyer, we know you are a busy man so we have just one more scene in mind for you. This will be the grand finale. The lyrics are:
But this isn't enough for you. You start beating them over and over. You punch through their chest and pull their still beating heart out. You raise it above your head as blood pumps out of it, drenching you. An overhead shot shows you holding the heart as you begin to weep. The camera slowly backs away.
END. FUCKING. SCENE.
What do you think, Mr. Dyer? Will you please be in our video? You can get in touch with us at info@goodbadfresno.com
Last week, the Fresno internet scene was taken by storm when local raptor KAY0 released what has since been referred to as the lamest music video ever made. What really got people's attention wasn't the dancing grandma but rather members of the Fresno Police Department including Chief Jerry Dyer.
We here at GBF are somewhat confused by FPD's decision to include themselves in this video as the song isn't that pro-law enforcement. It does have a line that says, "we even give [respect] to the cops," but that just seems to say that cops don't inherently deserve respect.
With that in mind, we have written a rap that is so pro-law enforcement that we believe it will be impossible for Jerry Dyer to decline being in our video.
Mr. Dyer, we've decided to break the rap and video down for you so you can see the exact scenes we want to use you in. We promise these scenes will be much more interesting than that weird dancing you were doing in KAY0's video. The rap opens with this line:
The day I was bornThe scene we envision for this part of the video is you in the hospital holding your new born baby. You will be dressed in your finest ceremonial uniform. The camera will pan down to the baby which will be dressed in SWAT gear. The baby will be holding a pistol and it will shoot a bad guy that comes up behind you. It will be very cute.
My papa was there
He was Fresno PD
And he had no hair
Your next scene will take place during this bit of rap:
Lots of people be tryin to shoot the copsDespite the mention of a glock, we want to give you---and perhaps a few of your buddies---machine guns (provided by FPD). You will be standing in front of a crowd of people wearing name tags. The camera will show a few of the name tags which will say things like "Bank Robber", "Murderer", and "Street Musician". These people will be yelling at you and they will be brandishing old-timey mob weapons like torches and pitchforks. As they come at you, you will mow them down with your machine guns and spit on their corpses.
But where they be runnin when my rhymes drop
They be hatin on FPD every single day
But if they do it near me with my glock I will slay
Mr. Dyer, we know you are a busy man so we have just one more scene in mind for you. This will be the grand finale. The lyrics are:
I am the chief of fucking Fresno PDThere will be a group of criminals surrounding a woman sitting in the middle of the street. She will be crying as they point their guns at her. Close-up shot of one their fingers on the trigger as it begins to tighten. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you're there! With no weapon, you begin to annihilate the criminals with your bare hands. After you've killed them all, you will turn to the woman and see that one last criminal remains and he/she has a gun to her head. From thin air, you pull a throwing star and throw it at the criminal where it hits right between their eyes.
None of y'all could ever stop me
If ever you see a lady cryin on the ground
I promise you this you will find me around
But this isn't enough for you. You start beating them over and over. You punch through their chest and pull their still beating heart out. You raise it above your head as blood pumps out of it, drenching you. An overhead shot shows you holding the heart as you begin to weep. The camera slowly backs away.
END. FUCKING. SCENE.
What do you think, Mr. Dyer? Will you please be in our video? You can get in touch with us at info@goodbadfresno.com
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