Hyperloop? GTFO of My Face
by Zara Arboleda Jr.
Have you been traveling recently and thought to yourself, "I wish this experience could be more uncomfortable and more terrifying"? Well, Elon Musk, the inventor of ball sweat, may have just the thing for you.
It's called Hyperloop, yet---despite its name---features no loop. Instead, it uses pressurized tubes to accelerate passengers to speeds in excess of 600 mph. It will have no windows, no head room, and (most importantly) no bathrooms. Gotta take a shit? Too bad! There's no word yet whether Musk is planning on providing diapers for passengers.
Musk wants to build this despite the fact that half of Fresno has already been demolished to make way for High Speed Rail, which is a really fast train that sources tell us will feature a number of bathrooms.
I could go on to tell you how noisy it will be inside one of the tubes, or how the G forces will likely suck the poop right out of your butt hole (more like HyperPOOP!), or how if the tube shifts even a millimeter it'll feel like a huge speed bump, but the most telling thing about Hyperloop came as our research team Bing'd it for us.
Have you been traveling recently and thought to yourself, "I wish this experience could be more uncomfortable and more terrifying"? Well, Elon Musk, the inventor of ball sweat, may have just the thing for you.
It's called Hyperloop, yet---despite its name---features no loop. Instead, it uses pressurized tubes to accelerate passengers to speeds in excess of 600 mph. It will have no windows, no head room, and (most importantly) no bathrooms. Gotta take a shit? Too bad! There's no word yet whether Musk is planning on providing diapers for passengers.
Musk wants to build this despite the fact that half of Fresno has already been demolished to make way for High Speed Rail, which is a really fast train that sources tell us will feature a number of bathrooms.
I could go on to tell you how noisy it will be inside one of the tubes, or how the G forces will likely suck the poop right out of your butt hole (more like HyperPOOP!), or how if the tube shifts even a millimeter it'll feel like a huge speed bump, but the most telling thing about Hyperloop came as our research team Bing'd it for us.
So no matter how much you may hate High Speed Rail, just be thankful it's not Hyperloop.
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