Dyer V Putin: Brawn of Justice
by Mike Schnauz, Sports Writer
America has long stood at the top of a heap of crumbled nations, exclaiming itself the victor of the world. We have proudly produced the best music, the best movies, the best athletes, and the best heart disease inducing cuisine for the last 100 years.
But an usurper is on the rise.
The nation is Russia and its leader is the mighty Vladimir Putin. He has brought his nation to the forefront of the international Game of Nations by riding down his foes atop a great stallion (at least I'm guessing that's what's going on in the photo).
If only America had a hero to challenge this Putin. Someone who looks even better without a shirt on. If only...
America has long stood at the top of a heap of crumbled nations, exclaiming itself the victor of the world. We have proudly produced the best music, the best movies, the best athletes, and the best heart disease inducing cuisine for the last 100 years.
But an usurper is on the rise.
The nation is Russia and its leader is the mighty Vladimir Putin. He has brought his nation to the forefront of the international Game of Nations by riding down his foes atop a great stallion (at least I'm guessing that's what's going on in the photo).
If only America had a hero to challenge this Putin. Someone who looks even better without a shirt on. If only...
Meet Jer-bear Dyer, Fresno's Chief of Sex I mean Police. Look at how tough this guy is. Rumor has it the last Chief of Police didn't like him, so Dyer's muscles ate him.
Now, at this point you might be saying, "But Putin kills motha-f*ckin tigers!"
Which is true, I guess.
But Dyer doesn't kill helpless animals. He cuddles them.
Get yourself a chief who can do both.
So here you go, Putin. The City of Fresno is challenging your puny ass to a wrestling match with Jerry Dyer. If you win, you get the recipe for the Mediterranean Grill's Lebanese Chicken. But if Dyer wins, we get Russia.
Deal?
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