The Fresnoian: How to Survive a Fresno Summer

Today I asked The Fresnoian, "How are we supposed to survive the damned hot Fresno summers?"



How do you survive a Fresno summer? You just do! Do you think hayr let us give a damn about the heat? NO! We lived in a wooden shack south of the city and we would go out and pick grapes all day. If we didn't pick grapes we starved! When we were done we would return home to our wooden shack and we had no "air conditioning". Nothing would stop us from enjoying our freedom. Mayr would cook for us the traditional Armenian foods we loved. There was Blghourapour, Khorovats, Tjvjik, and---if we were really lucky---Bastegh. You think we had a nice stove with a hood vent? HA! We had a wood fire oven. The inside of our house was hotter than dzhokhk.

The people of Fresno are like the Fresno chili pepper. You think the chili was named after us? Fool! We were named after the chili! We grow strong in the heat. It makes us tougher. Our fruit is not sweet! Sweet fruit is for the rich farmer. He can have his grapes!

The Editor: Did you guys have paletas back then?

Paletas? What is this word?

The Editor: They're like ice cream popsicles.

HA! We had no ice cream. All we had were pallets. Wooden pallets and we would make grand castles and pretend we were kings! But we were not kings! We were poor! We would get splinters in our sunburned skin but we endured! If you don't endure you die!

The Editor: Did you guys ever play in the river?

One time. We had a little dog with us that we loved. We threw him in the water and he got swept away and we never saw him again. After that, no more river.

The Editor: No more river?

No more river.