GBF Endorses Doug Vagim for Mayor

by Zara Arboleda Jr.

If you've been asleep for the last little while, Fresno's mayor Ashley Swearengin is currently terming out and we, the citizens of our fair city, are left to pick a successor. These are big, sensible heels to fill as Swearengin is the most beloved mayor in the history of the world.

The Good, The Bad, and The Fresno normally tries to stay out of politics because of the possibility of alienating readers who might be from a different end of the political spectrum, (or disconnected from reality, *ahem* Jeremy "Elvis" Pearce) But we have decided to part our lips and speak forth.

We heartily endorse Doug Vagim for mayor. We are unsure of his track record or whether or not he is up to the task. All we know is he's got a funny name and we look forward to 4-8 years of puns.

We also would like to encourage Vagim to work closely with Paul Dictos whenever possible. Please. PLEASE.

We have come up with a few slogans for others to use should they also decide to endorse him:

For the badge, vote for Vag. -Fresno Police Officers Association 

For the vag, vote for Vag. -Fresno Women's Coalition 

We are knee-deep in Vag signs. -Fresno Political Sign Manufacturing Company 

Vagim? We barely know Him! –Fresno Association of old-fashioned pun enthusiasts 

Hitch your Wagon to the Vagim –Central Valley poor rhymers support group 

If you can’t beat ‘em, Vagim. – Every other campaign

And all of his speeches will be called The Vagim Monologues.

This is just a taste of what we are promising to deliver should Fresno choose Doug Vagim as her next mayor. So please, for the love of God, vote for Vag.