The Tamarack Papers (Guest Post by Fresnofy)

by Fresnofy

Yo! YAO! YAH-OW YEA-OW?

Tioga Sequoia's Tamarack Amber Lager beer has been discontinued! Take a look at the pandamonium this is causing.

The remaining stock of this beautiful beer is out in the wild waiting to be extinct like the beautiful orange Fresno grizzly bear or the Fresno fultonmallisaurus.

But the real question is why? Why are you doing this to us Tioga Sequoia!?

Are you getting back at us for taking so long to order a beer at the beer garden? Or is because we forget to lock your beautiful bathrooms because we cannot figure out the thingy because we're #tamaracked AF? (Yep, "Tamaracked", use it and tell your friends) I bet it's because we whined about the Fres-Yes line that went all the way to the AmTrak.

No, it can't be. Tioga Sequoia loves us. They created this beautiful beer that literally catapults you onto the top of a Giant Sequoia Tree. It tastes like the first time you listened to Kayne West's My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy that somehow got shoved into caramel. The smell. Don't get me started on the smell. Tamarack smelled like a Fresno Tree rikishied a Tamarack Tree. True Story. But why end the Tamarack?

After an in depth investigation, the reason was simple. The Tamarack was exactly 5.50% alcohol. .09% less than 5.59% Fresno CA area code. Coincidentally Tioga Sequoia's HQ in Fresno CA and not in Tioga National Park or Sequoia National Park, as one would think. But wait, that's the key. Sequoia National Park is possibly the photo on the bottle since Tioga National Park doesn't even exist. So let's take a gander at the Sequoia National Park Map.

Notice the shape of Sequoia National Park? Some say it's the exact dimension of Giorgio A. Tsoukalos' hair, ancient astronaut historian. And that it where we get our answer of why Tioga Sequoia discontinued the Tamarack Amber Lager.

UPDATE: The Fresno Night Crawlers have lifted the Tamarack ban according to Tioga Sequoia's Twitter. You can find the elusive Tamarack Amber Lager only on tap at Tioga Sequoia's Beer Garden and bottled later in fall. Whew!

This was a guest post from the fresnofy-ers at fresnofy.com, a curated city guide for downtown Fresno. Fresnofy is still in Beta but please follow us on twitter @Fresnofy for updates. Thanks GoodBadFresno! Support Small Businesses!