Clovis to Break World Record with City-wide Flatulence
by The Editor
CLOVIS, CA- The city of Clovis, a suburb of Fresno, CA, has been quiet in recent years, but that's about to change. On Friday, January 22, 2016 at 3:00 PM, every resident of "Fresno's Parrot" will fart at precisely the same moment.
"We're worried that people have forgotten about us," said Clovis Mayor Nathan Magsig. "But they won't be able to forget us after this!"
Residents of Fresno have expressed some concern over the event. "It's gonna stink so bad," said Fresno City Council President Steve Brandau. "Good thing Fresno has a bunch of pansies to cover up the smell."
But Clovis is undeterred. They have declared the day to be renamed "Brown Friday" and Clovis High will be renaming their mascot the "Poogars" for the event.
When asked about the logistics, Magsig said, "Most residents will be trying to hold in their farts all day. For those who have trouble holding it in or farting on command, we will be providing butt plugs sponsored by the Clovis Rodeo. They have a little horse tail on the end. It's real cute."
Some scientists have expressed concern over the amount of methane that will be released, as methane is a green house gas. In response, Clovis Councilmember Harry Armstrong said, "Clovis is very conservative so we don't believe in that global warming heehaw."
The fart is expected to last only a few seconds, but the smell could last as long as 10 years. If you're in the Clovis area, make sure to plug your nose.
CLOVIS, CA- The city of Clovis, a suburb of Fresno, CA, has been quiet in recent years, but that's about to change. On Friday, January 22, 2016 at 3:00 PM, every resident of "Fresno's Parrot" will fart at precisely the same moment.
"We're worried that people have forgotten about us," said Clovis Mayor Nathan Magsig. "But they won't be able to forget us after this!"
Residents of Fresno have expressed some concern over the event. "It's gonna stink so bad," said Fresno City Council President Steve Brandau. "Good thing Fresno has a bunch of pansies to cover up the smell."
But Clovis is undeterred. They have declared the day to be renamed "Brown Friday" and Clovis High will be renaming their mascot the "Poogars" for the event.
When asked about the logistics, Magsig said, "Most residents will be trying to hold in their farts all day. For those who have trouble holding it in or farting on command, we will be providing butt plugs sponsored by the Clovis Rodeo. They have a little horse tail on the end. It's real cute."
Some scientists have expressed concern over the amount of methane that will be released, as methane is a green house gas. In response, Clovis Councilmember Harry Armstrong said, "Clovis is very conservative so we don't believe in that global warming heehaw."
The fart is expected to last only a few seconds, but the smell could last as long as 10 years. If you're in the Clovis area, make sure to plug your nose.
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