Police Chief Stymied by Determined Vagrant
by Sny Sneedly
FRESNO, CA -The Fulton mall, renowned for it’s lack of attendance past sundown, was the scene of a melee of sorts last Friday night. There were reports of a nude woman attempting to wash her filthy hobo clothes in public. Two officers arrived on the scene and attempted to relocate the person in question, but according to reports, she refused to move. After repeated taser shots, choke holds, and as a last resort, using their words, the cops were left with no choice but to call in Jerry Dyer. After a timely amount of time, Chief Dyer arrived. He parted the growling mob of consternated constables, and addressed the bum who would not budge. Offering a grim ultimatum to the woman, he commanded, “there are two ways we can do this, Ma’am.”
He was replied with silence. The woman stood her ground as if she were born on it. According to witnesses, he next challenged the woman to a staring contest.
Unblinking, she won.
Not to be outdone, Police Chief Jerry Dyer took his shirt off, and casually circled behind the woman while doing his “Mussolini” pose. All part of his plan. While the perp was distracted by the laughter (and comradery) of the on looking officers, Dyer made his move. He pounced upon the unwavering pauper, handcuffs glinting through the air.
According to a joint statement between the downtown partnership and Fresno PD, the dispute was resolved. Apparently, the “vagrant” in question was a bronze sculpture by someone called “Renoir”. Chief Dyer has yet to press charges
FRESNO, CA -The Fulton mall, renowned for it’s lack of attendance past sundown, was the scene of a melee of sorts last Friday night. There were reports of a nude woman attempting to wash her filthy hobo clothes in public. Two officers arrived on the scene and attempted to relocate the person in question, but according to reports, she refused to move. After repeated taser shots, choke holds, and as a last resort, using their words, the cops were left with no choice but to call in Jerry Dyer. After a timely amount of time, Chief Dyer arrived. He parted the growling mob of consternated constables, and addressed the bum who would not budge. Offering a grim ultimatum to the woman, he commanded, “there are two ways we can do this, Ma’am.”
He was replied with silence. The woman stood her ground as if she were born on it. According to witnesses, he next challenged the woman to a staring contest.
Unblinking, she won.
Not to be outdone, Police Chief Jerry Dyer took his shirt off, and casually circled behind the woman while doing his “Mussolini” pose. All part of his plan. While the perp was distracted by the laughter (and comradery) of the on looking officers, Dyer made his move. He pounced upon the unwavering pauper, handcuffs glinting through the air.
According to a joint statement between the downtown partnership and Fresno PD, the dispute was resolved. Apparently, the “vagrant” in question was a bronze sculpture by someone called “Renoir”. Chief Dyer has yet to press charges
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