Local Minority Group Persecuted For Its Beliefs
by Zara Arboleda Jr.
Fresno, CA-
A local minority group says that it’s rights are being trampled upon at local bars and restaraunts. The elimination of Pabst Blue Ribbon from the drink lists of some bars has raised accusations of discrimination against local hipster groups.
“I mean, it’s more than just what we drink, it’s who we are.” A mustachioed 26 year old said when asked for comment. “First they stopped selling Modelo, and now this? It’s the bar equivalent of redlining. We’re being driven from our homes.”
The hipster subculture, known for being smug and wearing ‘that Jason Mraz hat’, has been ostracized before. Even some of it’s own members seem to be in denial that they actually are hipsters, and claim to hate hipsters too. This makes it difficult to determine if discrimination has occurred, since everybody, including hipsters, seems to hate them.
When reached for comment, the owner of Livingstones, a local bar joining the PBR boycott, commented thusly, “Look, I’m sick of it. These little pasty looking weirdos come in, make a mess, don’t tip, and all they wanna drink is PBR. For like a buck a can. I just can’t afford to do it anymore. They have their own bars they can go to. Take it to Spokeasy, alright?”
Some are reminded of a segregated South by such comments. “Separate is not equal. I don’t want to go to Spokeasy, that place is crawling with hipsters,” said a man wearing a deep V t-shirt and a shemagh, “and I hate hipsters.”
A representative from the ACLU, in a prepared statement, said, “These atrocities cannot continue. We all remember the Fernet famine of ’08, and how many innocent hipsters were forced to go sober for months on end. I know that nobody likes them, but please, just try to ignore them.”
Fresno, CA-
A local minority group says that it’s rights are being trampled upon at local bars and restaraunts. The elimination of Pabst Blue Ribbon from the drink lists of some bars has raised accusations of discrimination against local hipster groups.
“I mean, it’s more than just what we drink, it’s who we are.” A mustachioed 26 year old said when asked for comment. “First they stopped selling Modelo, and now this? It’s the bar equivalent of redlining. We’re being driven from our homes.”
The hipster subculture, known for being smug and wearing ‘that Jason Mraz hat’, has been ostracized before. Even some of it’s own members seem to be in denial that they actually are hipsters, and claim to hate hipsters too. This makes it difficult to determine if discrimination has occurred, since everybody, including hipsters, seems to hate them.
the hipster is no stranger to persecution
When reached for comment, the owner of Livingstones, a local bar joining the PBR boycott, commented thusly, “Look, I’m sick of it. These little pasty looking weirdos come in, make a mess, don’t tip, and all they wanna drink is PBR. For like a buck a can. I just can’t afford to do it anymore. They have their own bars they can go to. Take it to Spokeasy, alright?”
Some are reminded of a segregated South by such comments. “Separate is not equal. I don’t want to go to Spokeasy, that place is crawling with hipsters,” said a man wearing a deep V t-shirt and a shemagh, “and I hate hipsters.”
A representative from the ACLU, in a prepared statement, said, “These atrocities cannot continue. We all remember the Fernet famine of ’08, and how many innocent hipsters were forced to go sober for months on end. I know that nobody likes them, but please, just try to ignore them.”
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