Go Veg, Be Green, and...What a Dump!
A review of "Loving Hut" by Sny Sneedly
Do you ever want to make the world a better place? Do you look up in the sky and see the smog, and wish you could just wipe it all away? End hunger, wars, and human suffering? It turns out that you can. Just stop eating meat, replace it with a super-processed meat-like substitute, and only buy it from one multi-national chain of restaurants: The Lovin’ Hut! All of your money goes to a good cause. Don’t worry, after supporting the layabouts that work there and the dude who lives in the van behind the restaurant (uhh, gross), the rest of the profits all go to charity! And if you believe that then you’ll swallow anything. Which is probably why you eat at a shitty place like the Lovin’ Hut. Actually, all of the money goes to Miss Ching Hai, the self-proclaimed Supreme Master of the cult. See that TV in the corner of the restaurant, playing some weird TV show 24 hours a day? That’s the Supreme World Master TV Station, spewing tons of brainwash bullshit into the restaurant all the time. Looking at the staff, they could probably use a good wash, but that aint it, brutha! Seriously, they run that goddamn TV 24/7, they pepper the neighborhood with full-color glossy flyers demanding that you eat their fake meat, for a buncha hippies professing to save the planet, they have one fucking huge carbon footprint.
And then there’s the food. It is greasy, weird fake meat stuff that kinda all tastes the same, and kinda all looks the same, and generally isn’t good. On that subject, what’s the deal with fake meat? If you don’t want meat, then why do you want it to be just like meat? It’s like taking a vow of celibacy, and then just fucking a blow-up doll for the rest of your life. Seems a little disingenuine, right?
So why do people eat there? Because they’re suckers! The gimmick is that they talk you into eating shitty food because you feel like you’re being socially responsible by eating it. Like you’re taking one for the team by not eating some delicious BBQ. Well you’re not. You’re just eating rubbery fake meat of questionable origin, prepared by cooks of questionable hygiene, from a cult of highly questionable ethics.
And it’s a Dump. So there.
Lovin’ Hut: 0/10 (hey goober, where’s the meat?)
Do you ever want to make the world a better place? Do you look up in the sky and see the smog, and wish you could just wipe it all away? End hunger, wars, and human suffering? It turns out that you can. Just stop eating meat, replace it with a super-processed meat-like substitute, and only buy it from one multi-national chain of restaurants: The Lovin’ Hut! All of your money goes to a good cause. Don’t worry, after supporting the layabouts that work there and the dude who lives in the van behind the restaurant (uhh, gross), the rest of the profits all go to charity! And if you believe that then you’ll swallow anything. Which is probably why you eat at a shitty place like the Lovin’ Hut. Actually, all of the money goes to Miss Ching Hai, the self-proclaimed Supreme Master of the cult. See that TV in the corner of the restaurant, playing some weird TV show 24 hours a day? That’s the Supreme World Master TV Station, spewing tons of brainwash bullshit into the restaurant all the time. Looking at the staff, they could probably use a good wash, but that aint it, brutha! Seriously, they run that goddamn TV 24/7, they pepper the neighborhood with full-color glossy flyers demanding that you eat their fake meat, for a buncha hippies professing to save the planet, they have one fucking huge carbon footprint.
And then there’s the food. It is greasy, weird fake meat stuff that kinda all tastes the same, and kinda all looks the same, and generally isn’t good. On that subject, what’s the deal with fake meat? If you don’t want meat, then why do you want it to be just like meat? It’s like taking a vow of celibacy, and then just fucking a blow-up doll for the rest of your life. Seems a little disingenuine, right?
So why do people eat there? Because they’re suckers! The gimmick is that they talk you into eating shitty food because you feel like you’re being socially responsible by eating it. Like you’re taking one for the team by not eating some delicious BBQ. Well you’re not. You’re just eating rubbery fake meat of questionable origin, prepared by cooks of questionable hygiene, from a cult of highly questionable ethics.
And it’s a Dump. So there.
Lovin’ Hut: 0/10 (hey goober, where’s the meat?)
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