Doughnuts2Go Review

by Mike Schnauz

Last night on Twitter, my namesake made a claim that we have less been criticizing businesses and more criticizing people's opinions of these places; more or less solely reacting to hype. I disagree, so, in an effort to prove otherwise, I will review something that has been near and dear to my heart for sometime now. There is no hype surrounding this place (as far as I've heard), so I have nothing to respond to except their magnificent---nay, TRIUMPHANT---food.

I am, of course, referring to a little shop called Doughnuts2Go.


It was Memorial Day and I was sitting in my shit hole apartment wishing for some BBQ. Being as I didn't have a barbecue to create such fine food, I decided to settle for the next best thing. I intended to find a cheap hamburger in the Tower District, and I would do so by hitting up the grease-pit itself, Chinese Food & Hamburgers.

When I arrived at their doorstep, I was shocked. Where once had been a dirt shack now stood that same shack but clean. Rather than their familiar painted windows which described both the title and the menu, there was a lonely banner strung from the edge of the roof that said, "Doughnuts2Go Grand Opening!" And in the window was a poster board with the crudely written phrase, "Hamburger 1.99".

I stepped inside to find a somewhat bare but remarkably clean interior. (If you had ever graced Chinese Food & Hamburgers with your presence, you will understand how much of a feat it was to clean that place.) A display case next to the counter showed off perfectly round doughnuts and bearclaws the size of my face. But no, I was there for a burger.

I was greeeted by a small asian lady who kindly asked what my order would be. I pointed to the sign and said, "burger."

It took less than 5 minutes and I was out the door on my way back to my shit hole apartment. When I got there, I sat on the couch and pulled back the thin yellow paper to reveal a lush bun, lightly toasted to perfection. Gracious helpings of lettuce, tomato, and onion seeped from the sides, and the meat itself was a juicy grade A beef that became even juicier as my tongue coursed with saliva. Each bite was a rapture of pure delight. The flavors danced and mingled around my mouth as if they were attending a grand ball, and each one came in its finest tuxedo or evening gown.

I'm not sure if I ever finished the burger. I found myself in my apartment 2 hours later, not entirely sure how I got there. But the sun seemed a little brighter and the future a little better.

I've since pieced the events of that day back together, and I would share them with you if it weren't for how personal and private they were to me. All I will say is that it was the single most beautiful experience of my life.

I went back the next morning to try their donuts. Being a big fan of the chocolate covered ones, I ordered two. They did not disappoint. Some places try to accentuate the chocolate covered donuts by glazing the underbelly. But Doughnuts2Go let the bread speak for itself, and the sumptuous chocolate took the reins. A perfect doughnut indeed.

They have since updated their menu to include a mini-burger and a double-cheeseburger. They will also soon have beerocks.

I give these guys a 9.7/10. Check it out and, when you come down from the high, you can thank me.